A Twitching In My Fingers


coffee farm

I wake up every morning twitching.  It starts in my toes, and then travels upward until it finally reaches my finger tips, which convulse like a dying spider.

Coffee.

But, I mean, come on, man.  I don’t need it.  It needs me.  What red blooded american can get started in the morning without a cup of joe?

Am I right?  Amirite?  A,md kmm lslkfdsmnfs fofdfsnj jkn

Sorry, my hand was spasming on my keyboard.  Be right back.

Ahh, that’s better.  Can you smell it?

Starbucks gives me a free bag of coffee a week.  I’ve sampled every single blend, but I make it a point of honor to grab a bag every week, no matter what.  I consider it a raise.  An extra dollar a day that I won’t have to spend on coffee.

Coffee.

Here’s my current stash, minus the dozen or so I pawn off to the less fortunate.

I could start my own store.

I could start my own store.

I don’t have a problem, though.  I’m just lucky to have that much coffee.  I am the one percent.

The first thing I do after twitching is go downstairs and make some coffee.  I usually make eight cups.  The only thing I hate about making eight cups is how long it takes for the god damn coffee machine to finish making eight cups.

What’s that?  Oh, sorry.  Just… I’m not myself until I’ve had my coffee.

I drink my coffee out of a mug I bought in Scotland.  I normally only have about two mug-fulls.

See? I told you I didn’t have a problem.

Scottish Coffee Mug

Oh, god.  It’s almost as big as the coffee machine.

I just measured.  It can almost hold a liter of coffee.  A LITER OF COFFEE.  That’s like as big as a BUBBA MUG.  Is Scotland the Alabama of Britain, or do they just market these things to oblivious americans whose concept of size is so corrupted from fast food that they look at this coffee mug and say “gee, I could drink one of two of those a morning back in my home, ‘merica.”

Almost a liter.

Maybe I do have a problem.

But as I always say, “what’s the point in being addicted to something if you can’t do it every day?”

Happy coffee drinking, readers.  You know we all need it.

coffee genie

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18 Comments

  1. Coffee is life 🙂

    Reply
  2. I’ve just started drinking coffee again in the past couple of days. One or two cups a day. It’s like having an old friend come to visit.

    Reply
  3. About 25 years ago I was drinking three cups a day to start my day and was hanging off the ceiling tiles by 10 AM. I stopped drinking coffee completely until about 15 years ago. I then started on my now-infamous Starbucks Caramel Macchiato era which lasted about 7 years or so. I stopped again…however I recently have developed a taste for Vanilla milk with coffee infused within. We know where this is headed…

    Reply
  4. There is a ritual to hot caffeine intake that goes beyond the cup of Joe. It’s the cup, the ritual, the sound, the smell, all leading to that moment of celebratory intake. That said, the coolest thing I ever had was an IV of caffeine when I had a spinal headache in the hospital. Headache, bad. Cure, how awesome to be able to say, I had a caffeine IV?

    Reply
  5. My ex-wife and ex girlfriend hated the fact that I have a sports mug collection and that I keep them in a strict daily rotation for my coffee. Good thing they’re exes. Nobody comes between me, my coffee, and my mug rotation.

    Reply
  6. Lee A Jackson

     /  September 17, 2015

    I probably have more coffee in my veins than blood. Yes, I drink THAT much every day. From first thing in the morning till the last thing at night (no it doesn’t keep me up), it’s a never ending cycle of brewing and drinking. I thought getting just a two-cup coffee maker would slow me down, but it just causes more distractions because I have to get up so many times to keep brewing fresh batches. Coffee. My writing needs it.

    Reply
  7. know the feeling! i just wrote a blog post on addiction, it’s crazy what a cup of coffee does to you!

    Reply
  8. lisabrock

     /  September 17, 2015

    Gut!

    Reply
  9. “Scotland the Alabama of Britain” Hahahaha, I snorted my… uh… coffee… at that one 😛

    Reply
  10. Good thing for giant sized coffee mugs! How would we survive without them? 🙂

    Reply
  11. Must. Have. Coffee.
    Like you- I. Don’t. Have. A. Problem.

    Reply
  12. I admire your writing style – your voice. This piece was good read. Cheers! – JM

    Reply
  13. I sometimes use soup mug for my coffee,but it’s not as big as your Scottish mug…:)

    Reply

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