An Accidental Correspondence with Kim Jong-un


I’ve been receiving strange emails in my inbox.  I think they’re from this guy:

In this image taken from video North Korean leader Kim Jong Un, center, salutes during a military parade marking the 65th anniversary of the country's founding, Monday, Sept. 9, 2013, in Pyongyang, North Korea. (AP Photo/KRT via AP Video) TV OUT, NORTH KOREA OUT

What follows is the entirety of our email exchange.

HELP!  I MIGHT BE TALKING TO KIM JONG-UN VIA ACCIDENTAL EMAIL.

Sent to thecorngoblinofficial@gmail.com from kimjong@nk.nk at 11:24 PM

친애하는 일반 황 ,

그것은 멈추지 않을 것입니다 ! 시끄러운 스피커 는 국경 을 통해 끊임없는 대중 음악 을 폭발 , 나는 나의 아름다움 잠을 얻을 수 없습니다 입니다. 당신은 포격 을 계속 해야합니다. 내 최대의 궁전 심지어 벽은 음악 밖에 없는 블록 ,하지만 폭발 금속 의 소리 는 확실 하지 . 또한 저녁 식사 목요일 밤 사용할 수 있습니까? 나는 나 자신이 점점 외로운 찾을 수 있습니다.

사랑 ,

김정은

Translated via google translate

Dear General Huang ,

It will not stop ! 
Loud speaker explosion of popular music through the endless frontier, 
I can not get my beauty sleep. You have to keep shelling .
 Even within the palace walls up to the block with only music , 
but the sound of exploding metal are not sure. 
It can also be used for dinner on Thursday night ? 
I find myself more and more lonely .

love ,

Kim Jong-un

My Reply

Dear Kim Jong-un,

I think you have the wrong email address.  I am no one of your generals.  I’m not sure how you possibly made this mistake.  Also, this can’t actually be the real Kim Jong-un. Is this some sort of scam? Send me a picture of you at your computer.

Sincerely,

The Corn Goblin

Sent to thecorngoblinofficial@gmail.com from kimjong@nk.nk at 11:28 PM

친애하는 옥수수 고블린 ,

어떻게 저를 믿지 감히 ? 내 말 은 금 이다. 내 입으로 는 하나님의 입 이다. 그것 에서 , 진리 는 깨진 베개 에서 깃털 처럼 떨어진다. 태양 광선 은 내 엉덩이 에서 와서 나는 방귀 때, 계피 냄새 , 하지만 난 단지 방귀 를 할 때 .

어떻게하면이 잘못된 이메일 주소 로 보내 나요?

여기에 사진 입니다.

진심으로,

김정은

Translated via google translate

Dear Corn Goblin ,

How dare you not believe me ? I mean, it is gold. 
My mouth was the mouth of God. 
In it, the truth will fall like a feather pillow from broken . 
When the sun's rays come in my ass , I fart , smell of cinnamon, 
but only when I fart .

How do I send emails to the wrong address?

Here is a picture .

Heartily,

Kim Jong-un

image

My Reply

Why are there so many people around your computer?  Why are you talking about farting?  Is there going to be war?  WHO DOES YOUR HAIR?

Sincerely,

The Corn Goblin

Sent to thecorngoblinofficial@gmail.com at 11:31 PM

친애하는 옥수수 고블린 ,

오 예.

온라인 내 장군 을 사칭 계속 하면 전쟁 이있을 것입니다.

나는 물론 , 내 자신의 머리를 않습니다. 누가 그렇게 잘 할 수 있을까? 내가 처럼 아무도 다른하나님 의 손 이 없습니다.

내가 다시 얘기 해야하는 경우 , 내가 당신을 죽일 암살자 의 치명적인 팀 을 보내드립니다.

최고의 소원,

김정은

추신

당신의 " 대통령은 오바마 대통령 이 " 그 빌어 먹을 음악을 거절 말한다.

아니면 .

Translated via Google translate

Dear Corn Goblin ,

Oh yes .

If you continue pretending to be online in general there will be a war .

I , of course, do my own hair . Who could be so good ?
 No one another the hand of God as I do.

Why do you keep talking about farts?  Damn this google translate.  
It messes up your english into my Korean.  I don't think very accurately.

If I have to talk again , I will send a team of deadly assassins to kill you .

Best wishes ,

Kim Jong-un

Postscript

Your " President Obama ," says reject the fucking music .

Or .

I did not contact him again, for fear of deadly assassins.  I think I learned something that day, though.  I learned that even iron fisted dictators have frustrations with technology, which sort of humanized Kim (as I now call him) a little bit.  I also learned that they apparently have access to Google in North Korea, and that Google Translate isn’t very accurate sometimes, be you a lonely blogger from Los Angeles, or a maniacal dictator from North Korea.

In that way, we’re sort of kindred spirits.  It’s the human condition, really.

Someone, please help me.

Please.

ninjaparty

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21 Comments

  1. I’ve just found your blog and love it. It is witty and clever and very entertaining/interesting. Cody 🙂

    Reply
    • Thanks for the comment [insert blog name here]. We really appreciate it. It’s through community support with people like [insert blog name here] that my blog, [your name] is able to go and reach more people.
      Remember to always eat at McDonald’s for a well balanced meal!

      Sincerely
      [your name]

      Reply
  2. I am afraid to like this in case the deadly assassins come my way as well…

    Reply
    • Dear Blogger,
      Thanks for your time visiting [your blog name]. It’s people like you that make [your blogging community] the place it is. Why, remember last week when all of us got together and went to [place]? I really enjoyed [activity]! It was probably the best part of my day!
      Keep up the writing, blogger, and remember: a penny saved is a penny earned!
      Sincerely,
      [Your Name]

      Reply
  3. Ha! Reminds me of a time I baited scammers into thinking I was a wealthy businesswoman willing to send them my money….minus the assassin part.

    Reply
    • Dear Blogger,
      Hello! How are you? I am fine.
      Thanks for visiting [your blog name]. You’re one of the smart ones, I can tell. I really enjoyed your post name called [post name] about [subject]. The way your wrote about [subject] really interested me. I hope one day to know more about [subject].
      Until, then, I’ll defer to you [winky face]

      Sincerely,
      [your name]

      Reply
  4. Matt On Accident

     /  August 26, 2015

    Laughing and farting at the same time are really two sides of the same coin.

    Reply
    • Dear Blogger,
      Has it really been 5, 10 or 15 years? Thank you for your continued service at [your company’s name]. Employees like you are what separate [your company’s name] from other companies in the field of [your field]. Please find enclosed a coupon for a half-off spa day at [closest spa].
      Sincerely,
      [Your Name]

      Reply
  5. One word for your blog: AWESOME.

    Reply
  6. Your blog just became the site I go to on bad days to cheer myself up. Although it might not help, since I’m dying of laughter right now.
    Literally, I’m in the hospital with a case of terminal laughter. The doctors are giving me about two hours to live.

    Reply
  7. I have often wondered what the hell is up with homeboy’s hair.
    Thanks for asking!

    Reply
  8. annamonami

     /  September 8, 2015

    Your blog is very interesting! 🙂

    Reply
  9. Ron

     /  September 14, 2015

    HILARIOUS! I AM NOW FOLLOWING YOUR BLOG! 🙂

    Ron

    Reply
  10. You persist in this in communicado at your own peril! Desist before it is too late!

    Reply
  11. Love this blog post!!

    Reply
  12. Very interesting. Nice write up.

    Reply
  13. This was hilarious. 🙂

    Reply

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