The Avengers: Giving The Dark Knight Rises Something To Live Up To


Can the internet suffer another Avengers review?

Does the hulk smash…things?

Answer: Yes.

I can’t even begin to describe how awesome this movie is.  Oh wait, I’m sorry.  That came out wrong.  What I meant to say was I can even begin describe how awesome this movie is.

Close your eyes my friend, and imagine you are on a tropical beach.  Now open your eyes so you can read.  You are relaxing in the hot summer sun when a midget dressed up in a tuxedo approaches you.

“Hi there, fellah!” you chirp, “Whats your name?”

“I’m Peter Dinklage” he responds with a nod and a wink.

Pictured: More awesome than we’ll ever be.

“Wait a minute…” you say, taking off your $10,000 sunglasses to get a better look at him.  “Aren’t you the actor…

“Who plays Tyrion Lannister in the hit HBO drama Game of Thrones?” He asks cheerfully.  “Yes, yes I am.  But do you want to know what’s really funny?  I’m exactly as witty, funny and cunning as him in real life!  Here, drink this.”  He offers you a bottle.

“I always hoped you were!”  You respond happily, taking the bottle from him and having a drink.  It takes like crisp grape juice.  Sweet but with a slight sour hint.  It’s bubbly too.  “My god this is good!  What is it?”

“It’s wine, only it tastes like what you always imagined wine should taste like as a kid.  And it only gets you drunk when you want it too.”

“Neato!  Thanks!”

“No problem.  Oh, and I also happened to bring along Scarlett Johansson and she’s positively dying to meet you, or if you are female or gay, perhaps Bradly Cooper or Daniel Craig or something”

Peter has his run of the litter, as it were.

“I’ll take Scarlet thanks.  But why are you here?”

“Don’t you know, insert your own name here I’m your best friend.  Here’s ten billion dollars.  And a Jet pack.”

“Is that it?” you ask, amazed.  Peter pauses for a minute, and then shakes his head and laughs.

“How silly of me, I almost forgot!  Here’s a FRICKEN LIGHTSABER THAT ACTUALLY WORKS.  FOR REAL.”  Then some polar bears come out and start doing acrobatics and dancing and stuff, and a bunch of parrots bring you some beer, except the beer tastes like Dr. Pepper, which is perfect, because you, Scarlet and Peter all love Dr. Pepper.  There was a bonfire later, but you can’t remember much of it.  Oh, and you don’t have a hangover in the morning.  And Scarlet wants to hang out the next day.

That’s how awesome the avengers is.  Go watch it.  Now.

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3 Comments

  1. ha! hysterical. Agreed on the review. I’m not a huge comic book junkie – but DAMN. So much fun! Plus I have a weird crush on The Hulk (Not Dr. Banner)…

    Reply
  2. Dude, you are hysterical. And I can see this in my mind’s eye(PS- get out the white coat!)…. Avengers was seriously awesome. On the dinero.

    Reply
  3. Just the best review I’ve ever read! Period. Or exclamation point!!

    Reply

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